The One with The Difficult Second Blog and The Quarter Life Crisis

One of my friends (very kindly) asked me the other day 'So when's the next blog...?', almost as though people might be expecting a second post....??

So here it is...'The Difficult Second Blog'....like the difficult second album but less cool; the difficult second date but less awkward (hopefully), the difficult second...you get the picture.

You maybe wondering what has taken me so long to write another post? and the answer to that is quite simply, I have been hard at work.  Working towards a life long goal of mine that has been eating up my time.  A goal that when complete will be a massive tick on the 'life list of things to do' (blog re: this, to follow).  A goal that will leave me feeling smug and accomplished, satisfied and triumphant!  And that goal is to re-watch every single episode of 'Friends' seasons 1 -10 from start to finish. A glorious accomplishment I'm sure you'll agree (along with this I have also had the small matter of trying to complete my doctorate thesis but blah blah blah).

Another friend of mine (I have several), told me that recently, upon listening to Radio 1, a young listener required the DJ presenting the programme to explain to them a.) what 'Friends' was and b.) it's premise. (Here I am anticipating jaw drops and expressions of shock horror).  Is this the epitome of turning 'old', when a cultural phenomenon has to be explained to a younger generation?  To add insult to injury, this re-watching of friends is the first time that I have actually been the same age as the characters portrayed by the BRILLIANT talents of the actors in the show.

I was particularly dismayed to watch 'The one where they all turn 30', an episode I previously, when watching friends on repeat in my early 20s, found hilarious (vowing to myself that I would 'achieve' all the things I wanted to achieve before I was 30, unlike the characters in the programme).....but seriously, where does the time go?

Now I hear a few of your crying, but its just a number!! It doesnt mean anything!! and on the one hand I agree with you, but on the other, bigger and heavier hand, which is waving to me and shouting 'cooeee', I have to disagree.   For (child free) women, turning 30 is presented not as a milestone to look at things you've achieved, but rather marks the biological milestone of things that are yet to be achieved.  In 'The one were they all turn 30' there is a scene that goes a little something like this (SPOILER ALERT!):


Chandler: Ok, read the card! Read the card!

Rachel: Ok (reads the card). 'Happy Birthday Grandma! It's better to be over-the-hill than buried under it! All our love, Monica and Chandler'.  (Begins Sobbing). That's funny....

Chandler: No, no, no! That was the joke!

Rachel: (crying) No I know, I get it. It's funny.

Chandler: No because you're not a Grandmother!

Rachel: No I know, because to be a Grandmother you have to be married and have children and I don't have any of those things. That's why it's so funny. (Runs to her room, crying).


This scene sums up perfectly that for women, turning 30 is thought of in society as a biological marker, laid heavy with the burden of reproductive pressures, that do not, to the same extent ring true for men.  (Although to be fair, not one of the characters in friends deals with turning 30 well, perhaps least of all Joey!).

For me personally, the question about when to have children is  becoming louder and more prominent and I'm torn between wanting children but also having the feeling that I could do with another 10 years with just me (a sentiment often termed 'selfish' by those who feel women should desire children above all else): a biological impossibility! 

Whilst googling 'quarter life crisis' and 'pre-30 crisis', actually helped a little, there is no denying that for women, if they want children, their 30's are the baby making years. We have a limited time (we've all heard the stats...I won't repeat them here). Quite simply, women have to decide under a time pressure in a way men do not, and I'm filled with a sense of the un-fairness of having a 'biological clock'....damn you clock, tick tocking away!

And so yes, 30 is just a number.  And yes, maybe I can still do all those things on my 'life list of things to do' with or without children. But 30 feels big and significant and a little overwhelming.  Perhaps that is why I'm seeking comfort in a 'old' and familiar T.V. series, where people don't achieve everything they want before they're 30, and things don't always go as planned, but regardless there are always friends (and family and loves) who will be there for you.

There. Second blog complete...and it wasn't so difficult.